Can you be subjected to too much positivity at times? Don’t you have those moments where you just need a “woe is me” minute? Or hour? Or day? And if you do, isn’t that okay?
I am not a depressive person generally. My instances with depression have always been connected to men (go figure). But there are occasions when I am feeling blue and I just don’t want to hear “You are so much better off now!”, “Embrace this change!”, “Better now than later . . . “, “He obviously wasn’t right for you”, “Now you are free to find a better man!”, etc. Honestly, with regard to statement 1, no shit. Statement 2 (and remember this is when I’m feeling blue), fuck the change right now. Statement 3, maybe but it all sucks and say that again and you will find yourself face planted on the pavement three flights down. Statement 4, oh really? Where were you when I asked your opinion on him before I committed? Statement 5, contrary to popular opinion, when you are in the midst of a divorce the last thing you truly need is yet another man (or woman) to invest yourself in. Please.
I have a friend who means well and has a great heart but last week I wanted to string her up and slime her. I had a bad week. A horrible week. I didn’t need to hear any of the above statements. I didn’t need to be reminded how much better my life was going to be and how I needed to stop thinking about all this (AS. IF.) and focus on how great I am. Again, I know she means well but what I wanted to hear was “Your ex is a total asshole!” (heard from someone else, thank you). Or “I’m sorry, it’ll get better” (heard from someone else, thank you). Or “Look at that picture of Robert Downey, Jr. – - isn’t he HOT?” (heard from someone else, thank you). Or just “I’m sorry” (heard from someone else, thank you).
You know, sometimes those of us going through the apocalypse of divorce just need to vent. We don’t always need a cheerleader to remind us of how awesomely, wonderfully positive this major life change will be for us. We don’t always want people to act like our mother and tell us to snap out of it. We know we need to snap out of it (eventually) and we know our life will eventually get back on track and improve. And while we’re blue, while we’re grieving, it’s always appreciated to know that what we’re feeling is okay. It’s normal.
Said friend above who is dangerously close to a sliming has the unfortunate habit of asking me almost daily how I feel, if I’m better, what I’m doing, etc. When I am feeling particularly bitchy I consider saying “I was just about to hang myself from my shower rod but I guess I can wait until after this call.” or “I’m so glad you called! How long does it take lye to destroy a body?” But that would probably increase her worry about my mental state and therefore increase the phone calls. I don’t mind that she’s checking up on me; in fact, it’s nice to know that if you go off the grid for more than eight hours, someone notices. However . . . being constantly asked how you’re doing and feeling makes me feel as though I’m on a specific timetable for overcoming grief and getting through this divorce. I certainly don’t need that.
Talk to me. Do you have friends or family that you feel have you on a grief timetable? Are you currently blue over your loss? Do you think there can be moments when sunshine and roses just isn’t acceptable? Do you miss the original The Price is Right as much as I do?
- Grief, Uninvited (candidobservation.wordpress.com)
- It takes two years to overcome a major setback, WSJ reports (newvinegrowing.wordpress.com)
- Struggling With Depression (sincemydivorce.com)
- Supporting Friends During a Divorce (designmom.com)
- You Are Not Alone (diariesofadivorcee.com)
- Why post-divorce rebound relationships hurt so damn bad (and why divorces are totally different and way worse than breakups) (wealthysinglemommy.com)