“I don’t miss him. I miss the idea of him.”
Meg Ryan as Sally Albright, “When Harry Met Sally”
It’s funny how you can be with someone for more than ten years and then go cold turkey from them via a split and not even miss them at all. Do you miss your ex? I thought I did at the beginning. I thought I was still in love with him and it devastated me. How was I supposed to move forward if I still wanted to be with him, if I still had feelings for him? Fortunately I have a great therapist (who was supposed to provide marriage counseling but ended up only counseling me) that informed me that what I was feeling wasn’t real love, it was residual emotion. Kind of like the aftershock to an earthquake, which is a very fitting description I think.
Anyhow, I love When Harry Met Sally and I love all the fantastic quotes in the movie. It’s a great movie to watch post-split because you can relate to what the characters are going through, you can root for them and you can even feel good they get together at the end – – which is wonderful since I didn’t want to watch or think about anything remotely romantic when my split first happened. In my book, romance was equivalent to horror.
Back to the topic at hand – – I do miss the idea of Number 2. I miss having someone to share news with immediately, good or bad. I miss going to sleep next to someone and waking next to them. I miss having an automatic date for a movie I want to see or a restaurant I want to try. When I was watching World War Z, I kept thinking that if and when the zombie apocalypse went down, I am on my own. I had better make sure I am fully armed and ready and able to kick some ass because I won’t have a Brad Pitt to do it for me. I miss the idea of that partner for life.
But then I start thinking that I can share news, good or bad, with my friends and family. I may not be sleeping next to someone right now but at least I don’t have to wake up to morning breath, or the covers being pulled off me or being crowded out of bed. (I also don’t have to worry about being kicked, elbowed or smacked in my sleep, all of which happened with Number 2). By the end of our relationship, I didn’t have an automatic date for a movie I wanted to see because he always seemed to find a reason not to go, mainly because he was taking someone else out for movies. And obviously while Number 2 and I were legally married, he wasn’t a true partner for life.
So yes. I am very much a Sally. I miss the idea of him but not the person himself.
How about you? Do you miss him? If so, why? And what do you miss?
- The Sally Albright List (shiptheocean.wordpress.com)
- Love is like a Ghost (natalisfc.wordpress.com)
- Craig Tomashoff: My (Rom)Complicated Life (huffingtonpost.com)
- Nora Ephron: What The Beloved Writer Taught Us About Divorce (huffingtonpost.com)
- The Importance of Getting Marriage Counselling (allenfraser.wordpress.com)
- Divorced AND proud (divorceisthenewblack.com)
- When Love Doesn’t Make The Cut (whatothers.wordpress.com)
- Marriage is Dead. What Will Replace It? (andrewhammel.typepad.com)