Why worry?


I love this saying. Not that I necessarily follow it, of course.

I am a worrier. There, I said it. I worry about everything. I try not to. I try to keep a balanced, business-like approach but sometimes I guess I’m just too damn emotional or hormonal or something but I worry. Even when everyone tells me not to, I worry. I could definitely be a Class A worrier before the split but since — Worry City. I guess it’s natural, given the many changes my life has undergone this year. And most people are very happy to share their miserable, holy-cow-does-life-suck divorce stories with you.

What is crazy is that I work in a field where I have to be level headed and not emotional. I’m fine at work. I can separate myself from whatever is going on. I can analyze cooly and clearly with the best of them. And I know that worrying won’t change the outcome of anything. It truly won’t. But when it comes to my personal life and emotions . . .

Case in point: When Number 2 told me he was going to drag me into court, I worried. Even when family and friends told me that he was likely just blowing hot air because he’s impulsive and stupid enough to do that, I still worried. What if he’s not? Even when I was told by an attorney that he was shooting himself in the foot and such a thing would only benefit me, I worried. What if it doesn’t? I worried to the point that I had stomach cramps, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. I have moved on from Number 2, I’m ready to be done with him so why?

Are you a worrier? Were you a worrier prior to your separation or divorce? How do you deal with a worrying nature while going about your day to day life?

Do You Boycott Others’ Happiness and Love?


I came across an article titled “How To Deal: Other People’s Happiness” on a site called Everyone Gets Divorced. While this is a humorous, tongue-in-cheek look at how everyone appears to be getting engaged, married and blissfully happy while your world is changing and/or crumbling around you, it really resonated with me.

I found that once I changed my name on Facebook and deleted my relationship status entirely (to eventually be replaced by “divorced”), I seemed to be inundated with friends that were celebrating their love and happiness. As if that wasn’t bad enough, every spammy ad on every internet site I visited was for engagement rings. I hated them all. I hated everyone.

Okay, so maybe I didn’t hate everyone but I did hate those stupid engagement ring ads.

A family member got married several months after Number 2 and I split and while I didn’t attend the out of town wedding, I couldn’t help but have the pessimistic parade flowing freely through my mind; i.e., “Hope she knows what she’s getting into,” “Hope she doesn’t change her name anytime soon,” “Yeah, it’s all fun and games the first few months!” etc.

Let’s be honest. When you are dealing with the most difficult emotional time you may ever deal with in life, it’s pretty damn hard to be roses and sunshine to people who are celebrating the most wonderful emotional time in theirs. I’m sure I was an annoying ray of sunshine when Number 2 and I were first engaged and getting married. I’m sure if I could go back in time to that person right now, I would kick the shit out of her. So how do we manage to be happy for others without putting ourselves into a further funk?