Sensible or Cynical?

imagesIt’s inevitable that at some point during or following your divorce you will question whether you want to give it another shot (marriage, I mean, not your ex — although shooting your ex is tempting).   I have come down firmly on the side of the “hell no, I’d rather cut my tongue off with a rusty knife than marry again” and it’s confused some people.

Let me explain.  This is my second divorce.  My second failed attempt at what is quite possibly the most important decision you can make in life.    I will take some blame for the failures of my marriages but in suffering through this second divorce I have realized that my two former spouses have a lot of dysfunctions and general fuckeries in common.  Clearly I do not choose well in the husband department.  So doesn’t it make sense to realize that my picker is broken, or at least severely compromised, and graciously remove myself from the marriage arena?

I think so but I have been told multiple times “third time’s the charm!”  Well, what about people who have been married four or more times?  They must have thought the third time was the charm also . . . and it wasn’t.

Someone also told me that if I quit, if I throw in the proverbial towel, that Number Two wins.  Maybe . . . but is this a game?  Possibly it was for Number Two, Douche Du Jour that he was,  but not for me.  So does it matter who “wins?”

I guess my question then is this – – am I being sensible in refusing to consider a future marriage or am I being cynical?

What say you, brilliant readers?

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And So It Begins

Hello friends – – or at least I hope we will be friends. If you found me and my blog, you must be involved in a divorce or relationship ending as I am.

Let’s face it . . . divorce sucks. Even if you want it (which I didn’t) and/or even if you know your life will be better (and mine already is), it is one of the most trying, difficult and stressful events you can face in life. It is the death of a relationship but without the closure of a funeral. Morbid but true. As my tagline says, divorce is a bitch.

So about me . . . I am a fortyish professional woman with no biological children (post to follow about that, I’m sure) who is assured and even feisty in general but allowed myself to be controlled by my soon to be former husband who I want to call The Agent of Satan but who could just as easily be Mr. Know It All, Einstein or Pain in My Ass. I’m not sure why I allowed myself to become more reserved and meek, other than generally being someone who doesn’t thrive on conflict, but maybe this blog will help me to discover my inner bitch. And keep her alive.

We were together for over ten years, I cared for and reared his Kidlet (oftentimes while he was traveling for work) and now that said Kidlet is not much longer for being a minor, said Pain in My Ass has decided that he doesn’t want to waste any more of his time and doesn’t want to be married any longer.

This will be my journey through a divorce, through separation from the Kidlet, through moving and starting over and about surviving it all. As Bette Davis famously said “Buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy night!” Bumps and all, I’m happy that you’re joining me for the journey.